Being in the social work sector allows me to meet all kinds of people in all kinds of situation. I have this client, T. I accompanied to the hospital one day for a scan. He told me "It will be better if I have a relaspe. If I don't, I don't know how to live." I replied "I don't wish for anyone to have a terminal illness. Why would you say so?" He heaved a heavy sigh. "How do I live? I barely survive in this cost driven society! i rather die and get done with life." I don't think he is a rare breed. Many I met along in my social work journey cried the same. They rather die than to cope with the demands of uprising cost. More so for T who is out of touch of the society for more than 20 years. We discussed about passions of life and I remarked "surely you would have something you would like to do in life. Surely there is something that drives you." He replied "Yes, i love cooking. But, my health has taken a toil on me. Now, I could only dream." Humman beings. They have survive on something, someone-even though that person/thing may be vague and non existant. Its called "attachment". What is your attachment in life? What drives you to continue living? Recently, just at my block, somebody committed suicide. I was there in the lift when his family members were in shock, brawling in dismay. I didn't know what to do. I was on my way to work and when i reached ground level, i saw the body. The family members told me that the deceased was too much in grief that her love one died that she jumped. Its rather a shocking morning-a sad one to see someone end her life like that. However, that's the power of attachment. It just overwhelms you when its gone. You don't know what you live for. Another client of mine, K had a very difficult life. When I spoke to her, she reflected during our time together: if not for her son, she would want to die. If she dies, what will happen to her son? The resilience of some of my clients are just amazing. :)
This post is exclusively selfishly hedonistically about what i want! Wahahahaaa! :D
Things i want to do:
1) I seriously want to spend a day playing board games. I missed playing RISK! I like playing boardgames with friends. One ideal day will be sitting at a cafe, ordering a drink, with good friends, good food and just playing board games! :DDD
2) I would love to have a pinic and fly a kite with friends. One of my kite flying experience is with Jon and he had headache that day... :( I hope to fly a nice kite again
3) Start painting again. I used to love painting and just paint for leisure..paint for friends. Its really fun. :) Its tapping on another side of me.
4) Workout: Pilates, gym, run...i am seriously lazy. I am such a lazy person. I wanted to start but kept procrastinating.
5) Go shopping and really buy some clothes. It has been since 7 months that i bought a few pieces of new clothes for myself. I didn't even buy any new clothes for CNY."( sad isn't it.
6) I did that during my 1 week break. Sit at the cafe..enjoy hot chocolate over a nice book. That is really great. I would like to do that again! Most important: a great book!
Please Dawn! Make my "wantings" come true.
Updates: "Littleness"
I haven't been doing much reflection as i have quite many things to attend to. But i guess this is a time of doing the little things faithfully, and the "littleness" is in almost every aspect of my life. I mean, I am not really doing the "casting vision", "leading ministry/department" that i used to do. Initially, as quite a vocal person and also filled with ideas, I am not very used to it....but now, i am quite used to it already. I am not sure if I have lost that aspect of me....but, i just don't really feel it anymore. Maybe, God is developing another side of me.
Work:
The "littleness" at work; I am doing case work and children/youth programs. At here, its really nice to be able to work with different families with different problems. I could go to 3 to 4 homes in one day...like this week, for 3 days, i had 3 to 4 homes to visit. I am always touched by the resilience some of my clients have, and at times, saddened by their situation. Sometimes, I am touched by my colleagues' passion and help rendered to these families and admired their skills and heart. Its great. I felt "little" in the midst of these "giant-social workers" and the "littleness" is great because I am constantly amazed/touched by their work. I am also doing administrative work in my youth/children program. Last time, I am super poor in admin. Not that I ver good at it now...but, I have gotten use to it. The "littleness" in the admin work before, made me rather unhappy and insignificant. Now, I am just glad to do it because its nice to see things neatly done and also helps to support my colleagues. What a change in attitude! Thank God that He helped me see things in perspective.
I started a prayer group at my work place so that we can direct our work to Lord Jesus. Its a small initiative and I like that. Its just being faithful in initiating and maintaining it. Frankly, though there are many Christians in my workplace, alot of them don't have the time to pray together or maybe not comfortable/ not interested....whatever the reason maybe, I know that I have taken a small step to bring God into our workplace! :)
Church
My church is small..and there is some sort of "littleness" in that. I am leading the children ministry and this year's Christmas musical. Though there are some kind of leadership in this, I just feel that the faithfulness and "littleness" is needed. There is no airy, fairy vision casting nor big groups of people to lead...but its just consistency, supporting and leading.
Family
At home, its no longer about me but also about Jon..its about little things in daily living like cooking, household chores, supporting Jon in his studies, taking care of health, simple times together, finance...its really the little things that counts, that maintains the relationship and household matters. Its the simple, little things. Also, the consistency in going to inlaws/mother's/dad's place....and doing those little things to spend time/appreciate.
Summary
I feel the "littleness" growing me...the support role...and, sometimes, its feels insignificant and ordinary..but its not a bad thing. Its God that is the "greatness", and we are nothing as we are here now and maybe gone tommorow. I give thanks for the "littleness" in this time and would like to grow from it..attributes of support, humility and faithfulness.
As this is my personal blog, i try not to blog about Jon & myself..but, we are so inter-twined now! Gosh. Anyway, marriage life so far has been good, not much of a big adjustment between Jon & myself when we were still dating. Strangely, our habits are not widely apart nor are we particular about toothpaste, toilet seats & every other little details. I guess we are just more interested in other stuff like spending time, our parents, church, friends & how we are to each other etc. :) Thats a good surprise for me. I thought there will be many stupid quarrels over small things & adjustments will take some time! We only took our 1st month to adjust to everything!
However, I had lesser time to spend with my parents and friends. Actually, as I stayed away from my parents for a long time, it helped in my adjustments very much. But i do miss spending time with my friends! Please don't blame me dear friends! :(( will try to catch up soon! :)
Updates
I haven't been uploading anything for a long time...and for this post, I have no pictures to update.
Well, these 3 months have been quite funny as I haven't experience so many different injuries and weird insect bites at one time:
1) First, i had fungi toe due to March showers and having to wear covered shoe for homevisits. Its nothing disgusting..but its painful! And I suffered for 3 months! :(
2) Then I knocked my toe on a rock! (Another toe) Its stupid. Its was late and I wasn't sure looking where I was heading. The toe turned purplish black. Arg..how awful.
3) I had mystery itcy insect bites all over my body. I suspected bed bugs! My dad felt so accused by me asking him if there are any bed bugs in my room...he proudly declared that there aren't such thing since he cleared my room constantly. He quickly went back home to sun all my stuff and remove my bed frame..i also went back to de-tox my things. Yes, no bed bugs. Then, my office's sofa is found with many bed bugs! (but i don't usually sit there!) Urgh.. client's house also got bed bugs..its a very buggy week. Bugs bites didn't leave any scars but went off within a few days. Thank God.
Ok, I have been looking forward and counting down to being Mrs Jon Wee. Its 9 days left down. Well, strangely, i am not as excited as I thought I would. I grew quite tired shopping for the many things needed too and also the details of coordinating the event. But, its nice lar. First time spent so much money...and friends & love ones have been very generous with their time and everything. Thats very nice and indeed feel very loved and blessed. Thank you! For me, most importantly, I get married to Jon Wee and spent our life together in the Lord. Nothing really matter so much..be it the wedding prog or event itself. I thank God that He has provided and made everything possible for me and Jonnie Wee.
Will upload pics soon!
*The Next Stop*
This is my youth supervisor in deep thoughts always.
Those corporate pic taking sessions. After so many pics, I am simply exhausted. :P
Our management retreat playing games. Don't worry, we are not crazy. :D
Our NL Flower 4Having to leave to the next stop, I would like to take some time to do some reflection. :) Well, these past 3 years have been one of those seasons where I faced alot of challenging situations both personal life and work transitions. Its amazing recalling how I actually knew God more and how I grew spiritually through all. I could remember how I got all excited having to manage a drop in, and thinking of many ideas on how I could engage and attract more youths. I set up a youth committee and also had some regular events going. Consistency and follow-up was so important, but its one of my weakness because I am a starter/innovator. I have a great supervisor whom I looked up and modelled after his good points. I learnt alot spiritually. Because that season was also tough for me, I actually learnt how to fast, pray, intercede and discern God's voice.
Going to children's dept was a challenge for me. That time, I came out from a rough season...and still struggling with residential issues. It wasn't easy then. Everything was unfamilar and I worked with another supervisor. However, i learnt alot on leadership, making key decisions and exercising wisdom in all matters. I also learn how to mentor others too.
I think Children's work is alot more different than Youth work. Everyone has different methods, philosophies on managing, nurturing and discipling them. Sometimes, you got to work with the differences. I learnt alot about managing children in my line of work though i didn't manage them directly all the time. I also get first hand experience on dealing with misbehavior (which I had some experience back then) and also training others to do so. I did alot alot of assembly talks, volunteer trainings and adult/parent facilitation in my line of work. I also grew in programme management, leadership & management planning. Now, I am a pretty good planner ;) It has been a great experience. Most of all, my most satisfying was the F4 (Flower 4). Seeing growth & them learning has been so great.
I am going to miss those children & youth :) (thats quite an usual thing ya)
Looking forward, changes are always uncertain (which I am alright with) and am not sure what I exactly I am embarking into. But, certainly, i remain focus to grow in compassion like my Lord Jesus and to serve the community.
Till then,
:)
+Desires+Dreams+Thoughts+
Thoughts:
Recently, I have having quite some thoughts about the gospels and sharing them. Last time, when i was in Beloved group, I shared the gospel, did Bible studies quite regularly. Ever since I left the Beloved group, I stopped doing Bible studies and sharing the gospel for awhile. I am still studying at SBC and recently, am doing NT survey. I managed to finish the 4 gospels in two weeks..(its part of my reading and assignment) Aside of fulfilling a task, i have been doing some thinking about sharing the gospel in a relevant way. Also, I am amazed once again by how real Jesus is. Seriously, if you studied the reality of Jesus, you will find no reason to doubt Him because everything written in the Bible is factual, historical accurate and Jesus Himself fulfills many prophecies. Then I thought about how sinful and inperfect I am...and how I could I ever deserve Jesus..and...thought about how many i know rejected Jesus..
When i read ACTS (One of the book in the Bible) I saw how Peter, Paul and many believers of Jesus preaching the gospel in a relevant way...I just thought about how we can be so irrelevant in sharing the Word to others. Well, everything is just really powerful..the work of the Holy Spirit convicting many to believe in Jesus and the growth of Church history.
I decided to be serious and grateful for my faith in Jesus...knowing that He is real and I needed Salvation. :) Man, its not going to be easy..keeping that diligence..growing in His Word and service to Him. Thank God that the Holy Spirit dwells in me.
Dreams:
I used to like dreaming alot. Dreaming of the impossible..and I could write stories of my imaginations. As I grew older, I dreamt lesser..and become more realistic n down to earth. I wrote a few stories..hopefully, i could publish my imagination ;)
I always dream...
1)What if I become a missionary (Overseas)? How would I be? I am not adventurous and I am not that independent. Can I? Yet, I thought about reaching out to the orphans.
2)What if I did not go into social work? Where would I be? What would I do? Maybe work with video production? I think life will be so different..i will be totally different.
3)What if I didn't make certain decisions or mistakes that I made? Will life be different? Will things be different?
Well, no matter what..I am comforted that God is with me in all seasons..and He has been very faithful in all seasons..guiding me and leading me. I am sure that God never left me and I could always be confident of His goodness no matter what.
Desires:
I am pretty contented with all the over flowing blessings I have. I don't deserve it, but God blesses. In fact, I sometimes fear that I will wake up knowing that all that happened became a dream. Well, I know thats quite bo-liao. I must learn that being contented is not just about having..but also, even if I don't have it, I should be thankful for what I have.
1) I desire to delight in God..(thats not a easy task)
2) I desire being a good wife to Jon wee
3) I desire to share the gospel and do Bible studies
4) I desire to have a home n family with Jon wee (lttle Jonnies ;)
5) I desire to see Jon loving God and He being successful
6) I desire to change..to improve..to work on my weaknesses
7) I desire a holiday with Jon Wee
8) I desire for my parents and sister to know Jesus
9) I desire to be a good daughter in law to Jon's parents & grandma
Till then,
Dawn